Divorce : The biggest hurdle

    " Why get married just to get divorced? " That's what I always have in mind in my younger years when it comes to marriage and divorce but then it hit me personally after 6 years of marriage. The process was very painful for me and more so to my 2 year old son Levi. When my ex wife filed for divorce and a restraining order against me, there was nothing much I can do. Life was shattered, there was no place to go, and pain was inevitable. It felt like a living hell, and the fact that I couldn't even see my baby was even more heartbreaking. There was rage between me and my ex wife. In spite of my desire to stop the confrontations and continued bickering it elevated even more. The last person I wanted to see was my ex wife, but the first person I wanted to see was my baby, it was like passing through the gates of hell. The divorce was made final in October of 2008, she was given custody to the kids. The rage slowed down and the opportunity to be with my kids a few times a month was then made possible. This was not my desire, and I talked to her, If I can visit and see my kids as often as I want to, and she consented.  I visited them almost every other day, from that time forward. I am able to connect with Elijah and Levi once again.
      The question is Why do we need to continually  hate the woman we use to love and have kids with. As all divorcees end up with their ex's - hate is an ongoing process  that will not probably be resolved nor buried.  Who do we hurt the most? OUR KIDS. My ex-wife and I hated each other but our kids love both of us unconditionally, and their loyalty was challenged. They probably thought that they can only be loyal to the parent they are with, thus discussion about dad is forbidden in mom's household and vice-versa. Humility was such a virtue that was impossible to embrace. I felt like my ex wife was the real devil in my life, and there was no question as to how she felt about me.
      Then I started to reinvent my thoughts and decided to fake things up be tamed like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I tried to inculcate friendship with my ex once again. It didn't work. I know that I needed to be genuine, and I did. I saw the change in my kids behavior. They like to see their parents talking like normal people. I began helping my ex wife  with her household chores and a few things, that made my kids even more happier. They thought that I was going back to live with them, but a heart to heart talk with them that mom and dad are going to be just friends made them more comfortable and opened up about their feelings towards dad and mom. Whenever I asks Levi if he's a daddy's boy, he'd respond : I love both Mommy and Daddy.
Life has changed a lot. I continually help my ex with whatever she need fixing and even to the point of cleaning up her house. I buy things that they need, if I can afford it. It's all for my kids benefits, besides we are all human beings, and aren't we all taught to love one another?
    Life can be better for your kids and humanity, if even after painful divorce we can still go back and say        " Hey I once loved that person before, why should I hate her now." We can act as civilized human beings or wild animals, it is our choice. But to be a happy individual choose to be civilized.
   My only hope for humanity is to understand that "Marriage is just not just having partners and multiplying. It is an institution  where you shape up individuals, including you, your wife/husband and your kids." Think of a world with people who are raised in beautiful homes where love is abundantly showered." My advice is "DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST TO GET DIVORCED"  Take time in knowing the person you are dating, or date the ones you want to get married to. Happy days!!!!

Working divorced dad and a challenge to be a full participant in rearing my kids

   Computer browsing has become a boredom to me lately. I normally check my emails and facebook account.  Updates  that families are friends are doing alright, makes my life a lot better.
 
    I am a father of  two, divorced and taking care of my two wonderful boys ages 5 and 9. Although I get to see them as often as I want to, my work prevents me from doing so.  In my mind, how lucky I would be if I get to work around  with my kids, so I can spend most of my time with them and not so with those I don't have any family relations with.

   Taking care of my own kids, is the best job I have ever handled. It does pose a lot of challenges, but as soon as obstacles and hurdles are overcome, the rewards are great, and priceless.

   Hygiene, food, sleeping habits, games, education, spirituality  are a few things that are listed in the job description of fatherhood. This is not a shared task for me since I am divorced, and therefore it is my sole responsibility, when they are with me. It is their mother's responsibility if they're with their mom.

    Relationship with ex-wife, can be very tough, it is a very challenging situation especially if the wounds are still fresh, from divorce battles to custodianship, but there are areas that can be simply enhanced or modified, and some that can be totally eradicated.
   
     It can be very tough, but this a vast world full of ideas and solutions. A problem is never created, with no solution in sight.   So, in my everyday life, I am in quest of a better life and a quest for solutions to everyday problems. We can all work it out.